I never really gave up on... getting out of two star town.
I got the green light. I got a little fight.
I'm gonna turn this thing around.
Can you read my mind?
A friend of mine recently did that '30 day challenge' on facebook and one of the 'days' was suppose to be a picture of something that really made a huge impact on their life. She said that our college changed her life. Another girl I work with here said the same. And these girls weren't the first.
Now, maybe it's just me and maybe it's not, but college has certainly not done anything close to huge for me. In fact, from all the working I've been doing to afford it, I feel like I've regressed.
A few of my friends absolutely love college, saying it's better than anything they've ever experienced. But these are also girls who always had a ten-o-clock bed time and never got to stay out late on weekends. These girls also find themselves way over their heads in college and in fact, don't know how to handle themselves sometimes. I never had a curfew. My parents were pretty much okay with me drinking as long as I didn't do it around them and never broug
ht drunks or alcohol home. And if I wanted to pierce my belly button, dye my hair, have sex, smoke, or leave town for five days straight, they could care less. Except....
...there was a catch.
I had to stay out of trouble. This means no drunk driving or being around parties I know will get busted. No hospital trips, no tickets from the police. No getting pregnant. No failing classes, no skipping classes and getting caught. No running into the law or getting sued by another parent. And absolutely no asking for money to support any of it. If I wanted to smoke, I had to use my own earned money. If I wanted to go out of town, it was my pocket I would be digging into. And if I did get a ticket... well, you know it was me who would have to deal with it.
I think that by allowing me my freedom in high school, I had eyes that allowed me to perfectly ready for college in every means possible. I knew when my body needed sleep and when I could allow myself a night out. I knew how to turn down the offer to do pot without upsetting my friends. I knew how to have sex and not let it take over my life. And I knew at what cost everything came.
That being said, even if college was nothing new to me, I don't regret my freedom at a young age. I feel like the pace I set for myself was perfectly perfect. I am a hard worker, and I've had more enough people tell me that sincerely to let me know. I feel like I am a decent person who isn't out for myself in this world, and that is saying a lot in todays society.
Because college, while not making a huge impact on my life, has taught me one thing. And it's that people are selfish. They are mean, and ugly, and brutally clear on this matter the older they get. I was almost shocked by the amount of people I've met who are only in this world for themselves, and are proud to admit that that. It almost disgusts me to think about all the times I see it on a day to day basis. And I don't want to make myself seem perfect, because I can be a little selfish time to time too, but I think that every human being deserves a chance at decency. And the idea to be mean to someone just for the sake of being mean still baffles me.
(A co-worker told me today that she flat out hated me when I started working at pizza hut. I asked her why and she shrugged and said she just didn't like me. "I like you now. A lot. You earned my respect" she told me.) This is the reason why I'm upset. Because hate and respect are completely different things. I understand that respect has to be earned. But hating someone has to have a reason behind it. And treating someone with decency shouldn't have to be earned by the other person.
Anyway, people of my age bother me a lot when it comes to this sort of thing. People of my age in this college especially. Every human being deserves decency. And every human should not be out for themselves. How is this world suppose to function otherwise?
Personal Note:
Midterm break was perfectly awesome! I traveled over 1176 miles; when to Rapid City to see 3OH!3 and Nelly concert; Cheyenne to get my lip pierced and dyed my hair (FINALLY GOT A HAIRCUT!); attended a bonfire with new friends; Road tripped with my old best friend and her new best friend; went back to my home town and met up with all my old friends; cosmic bowled; snuck into a haunted house; watched FLB and was asked to attended the after bar party; had many sleepovers; made jello shots and soaked gummy bears in vodka. Oh, and I also took out dozens of birds by my car.
My family is a wreak. My sisters are fine but my parents are losing it. The divorce or separation or whatever the hell they prefer to call it, is making them both very angry, very bitter people. Especially my mom. I'm pretty worried for her. She's deeply involved with herself, and she is so angry at the world that I don't know how to deal with it. The entire family tip-toes on eggshells around her at all times so she won't explode. Plus she works odd jobs and has strange habits. Meanwhile my dad is dating someone new and has more than enough loud frantic fights about money problems with my mom. It's all out of hand and I'm really glad I don't live there anymore.
Mainly worried about passing botany and how pizza hut is going to react to my lip ring. I hope I get to keep it!
(Enjoying my freedom from walmart GREATLY!)
