Nerdy Nightlife

I'm just learning how to smile

It's not easy to do.

We're just waiting for the day

When you say 'baby let's just run away'

So I am currently watching the first pokemon movie with my new roommate Danny. He also just made me homemade dirty mashed potatoes as I drink Arizona tea inside our warm house with wifi internet.

This is the life, I'm telling ya.

Personal note:

I have started another blog on another account. A little more excited about it than this one. I might be a wee bit un-active on this account.

Would you sleep with a bi-sexual?

But please don't give up dear walls,

Don't let the ceiling fall-

When you belong

to a song,

Salty Eyes.

You belong.

Crappy internet is crappy.

On to other news...

If you haven't heard of TED talks then you MUST go to youtube immediently and watch some of it. Here, I will post a link to a good one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iG9CE55wbtY

I have become obsessed with watching these. Along with Vsauce =probably the most interesting videos ever... And they are pieced together so that they are quick and easy to watch. Just what my brain loves.

Like I said in my last post, I am striving to become the most knowledgeable I can be. However, I also want to learn quickly, not spent years reading and researching. Okay, maybe that makes me lazy but to me, I am almost 20 and need to hurry up with this whole 'understanding the world' phase I am in.

I love my roommate allyson... only one month left till I move. I am going to miss living with her. Hopefully me and Danny get alone just as well. Already hit a few snags. Damn you money, for being just a big FREAKING deal and coming between friends!

Personal Note:

Like my title? Currently some dude is trying to 'get' with me and I am 99% sure he is into dudes. Which upsets me for two reasons. 1.) Do I remind him of a man and that is why he likes me? Now I am paranoid about it. 2.) I cannot even get any type of ego boost from this intrigue because of reason #1. Damn!

(Yes, I enjoy getting an ego boost from men taking an interest in me because IT DOESNT HAPPEN OFTEN and everyone has their own things to get them through the day.)

Lastly: I partied my face off last Saturday. Got trashed. Got sober. Remembered everything. Lets do this again sometime....

Content

I do believe
In everything you see.

As far as I know this very well may be the happiest days of my life.
No, I am not in love just yet. Still wishing...
But I am very happy for the little town I have found to live in and my friends that reside here as well. I have everything I could want here:

1. a car
2.a job
3. a trailer
4. a roommate I get along with
5. a surplus of people my age
6. few enemies
7. A bank AND savings account with money in it
8. Endless edges of knowlege at my fingertips.

Ah, if only I felt like going to ten, but I am too lazy.
Yes, I just put a desposit on a trailer with my best gay friend ever. I was terrified at first because yes, it is a trailer and I despise them. But I am getting more and more excited about it so hopfully that rolls over well.

Recently took a trip to Linocoln to watch the sister run. Mom is now kinda sorta in a relationship. Dad went off the deep end, and Molly never fails to amaze me how much like me she really is.

I am so passionate about gaining knowledge it might almost be a sin. My current goal and wish more than anything is to be highly intelligent. Since we are either born one way or the other I must unfortunetly keep dreaming since I was born perfectly average. However, this won't keep me from lusting over knowledge. (By the way, Youtube never fails to amaze me with its videos... the things I've been learning from there! Wow!)

It's my first day off since last Sunday, and I have done absolutly nothing all day! Depsite my dire situation to get shit done I just can't work without building up a bit of pressure!

And oh yeah, I am itching to write again! I feel like it is the one thing that might allow me to stand out from other people. Although I am terrified that my writing is complete shit I am trying to throw myself out there and continue to do it. Recently I finished a short story and mustered up the courage to ask people I closley know to read it. So far everyone 'loves it' but I am fairly certain they are blinded since they like me as a person.

Anywho, this is a blog, not a novel! Just going to wrap things up by saying that I am in love with the boy in the bookstore. He's a nerd but I picture myself in his arms when I fall asleep at night. Maybe one day I'll creep him out and let him know that. For now... dreaming with my eyes open.


Personal Note:

None... everything said was already personal ;)

Everty Ever

It's nothing but time and a face

that you lose.

I chose to feel it

And you couldn't choose.

I feel so pretty today and lately I have felt so very, very happy.

Happy with who I am, what I am, and who I will be.

I truly love it here in Chadron. Yeah, my life is a little boring: I probably work too much and play too little. But I am content with my job, and content with my friends, and content where I stand.

I've noticed that I am developing a better sense of humor too. Could that be due to internet? I mean, since I follow tumbr I get a lot of inside jokes, and start stealing a few for myself too.

Blah, this blog post is all over the place and I am too lazy to clean it up.

I wonder if I will pass Accounting II this eight weeks... only one week left to go and I am already fucking it up. Spaced off every assignment so far and it's almost Friday. What is wrong with me?

-My long hair feels good on my shoulders.

-Please stay, Mr Blue skies. I know everyone is saying they are ready for the cold weather but I am not.

-I smell pretty dang good. (Had a dream last night where erin told me I always smell bad)

-Everyone is getting sick and I am feeling better than I have ever felt. Something must be wrong. Unless it isn't.

Personal Note:

PAY OFF YOUR FIRST SEMESTER GOSH DANG NAB IT!

Pride

Well maybe there's a God above

But all I've ever learned from love

Was how to shoot someone who outdrew you

Maybe it's just me but I tend to treat the hot studly men I am secretly attracted to like shit.

And I treat the unattractive, underage, or creepy guys with unimaginable kindness.

Which is why everyone I am NOT attracted to ends up falling in love with me.

And all the hot/cute/attractive guys steer clear.

Why?

Because the creepers and unattractive are not intimidating to me. I feel like I can relate to them. I don't feel the spark so I can be myself around them. And they fall for me like flies to rotting flesh.

And cute guys are highly intimidating so I panic whenever I'm around them and treat them like total shit. It's the only self defense I know. And my stupid brains thinks: 'You will look witty and attractive if you put them down and drag their self esteem to your level!'

So this one guy, who I have had the biggest crush on since I first laid eyes on him in 8th grade, thinks I'm a joke because I've been putting him down for no reason at all my entire life. I call him arrogant, ignorant, ugly, immature, ect.

Which really sucks because he's actually really funny and cool and interesting. And now we go to the same college together and could totally be friends if I wasn't such a loser.

Ache.

You know who this guy is.

You could change this.

But you won't.

Pride is a horrible, horrible thing.

Self pity is the only thing worse.

Yet I possess so much of both.

And I don't know what to do.

*sigh*

Personal Note:

Ditched work to do laundry at Erin's.

Asked her to live with me.

She's scared. I just want to hug her.

Smells like Sunshine

Remember what I said:
There is no shortcut to a dream.
It's all blood and sweat and life is
what you manage in between.


Your house has a smell, whether you know it or not.
I didn't know it until late this summer when I returned home from Cheyenne. But I am absolutely in love with it.
Our house doesn't smell like detergent, or a topical breeze. But if I had to put a name on it it would smell something like air conditioning and sunshine.

Being away from home hasn't made me realize that I've missed it. And I'm not sad about leaving. But I appreciate being here so much more then I ever thought I would. There is something wonderful about opening the fridge and finding actual food in there. Small things, like tape, or a pair of scissors, clippers, or a spare tube of toothpaste when you need it most, were taken for granted in my summer apartment five hours away. Walking outside on green grass, seeing lighting bugs, and blasting music without worrying about the people who live down the hall were also small blessings I missed the most.

Home has been good for me.


Personal Note:

It's strange to say that being home has felt wonderful, but it has.
More people are moving away, and I'll be leaving soon too, but this time I know what I'm doing.
So very excited about college starting back up. Mom even bought me school supplies this year. She's buying a new car today. Oh, and I got to spend some time with a past lover this week. He stayed an extra day so we could say goodbye to each other. How sweet. I hope we stay friends forever.

Searching

And if we are the body,

How's the pretty man get so ugly?

How'd he get all these spaces

Between each limb?

Like I said in my last post, life in WY certainly hasn't been anything like I had hoped.

In fact, my and my roommate are going through some pretty strange periods in our friendship.

For days on end we won't speak to each other, maybe a grunt here and there. I'm not sure that we're mad at each other, although sometimes I'm furious when she'll go out with her friends to a BBQ or something and not tell me.

For now I just in in the living room and read Harry Potter books, hoping to soon complete the series. I work almost every night now, which I guess is good. I'm making money and at least, getting out of the house to converse with other human beings.

Home

Somewhere along the way I have lost my home.

I'm not sure where I'll find it, since

it's been so long

And I've forgotten what to look for.

It's probably somewhere with a real bed,

in a real bedroom,

that I can officially call MINE.

And it'll hold something other than hard liquor in the fridge.

And my dirty clothes won't have to wait a month to be washed.

And maybe home looks like a shower that always a available.

And is held up by walls with pictures of my own friends on them.

Maybe a shaggy dog too,

who loves me despite living with all my flaws.

Because I miss not having to fear whatever it is that I'm doing.

If I want to watch a movie it won't offend someone

trying to sleep.

If I was to lounge on the couch with my feet off the ground,

it won't be against the rules.

And if I want to strip my clothes off after work,

Or leave a dirty plate on the floor for more than a day,

I wont be glared at or though less of.

I don't know where home is,

but I really, really miss it.

Personal Note:

Being lonely is HORRIBLE. And I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Cheyenne

Cause it's not the sound keeping me,

Keeping me from sleep.

It's what Jesus said about hell underneath.

Tell me I'm only dreaming, tell me he's just sleeping

When morning comes we'll both wake up to the sun.

And love's enough to keep your friends alive.

-as the cities burn

It's been over a month since I've posted, which hasn't happened in a month or so. But me and Mac's new apartment doesn't have internet, so I rely on barns and noble for free wifi when I'm not working. It's just a battle to find time for anything online. I haven't even enrolled for classes yet. Yikes!

Anyway, I've taken up reading two very wonderful blogs, and I've felt truly inspired to better myself as a person.

I'm broke, lonely, and miserable in WY. But I'm trying my best to stay positive. I even made a list of the ten things that make my life fantastic. And I feel so, so blessed.

In WY I'm broke, lonely, and miserable. But I'm trying to stay positive no matter what. At least I have a job right?

Note to self: You CAN'T live somewhere for just a summer unless you have a job lined up and actual PLANS.

Live and learn, right?

Personal Note:

Last Friday has been the darkest night of my life. As of today I never want to get drunk ever never ever again. So awful.

I'm leaving for my college town in a few days, since Mac ditched me for NE. I can't wait to be reunited with some old friends and get out of the damn town. I'm not expecting a huge party or anything exciting. It is NE after all. But it'll be nice to clear my head and rest.

-Oh yeah, and guy number 4 keeps texting you about his gf problems. This is yet another reason why being a good person and a good listener is such a drag.

When Home Becomes a Strange Place

All because of you,
I believe in angels.
Not the kind with wings:
No, not the kind with halos.
The kind that bring you home,
When home becomes a strange place.
I'll follow your voice:
All you have to do is
shout it out.


So leaving the campus was harder than I thought, since the trash rooms closed and the elevator broke, I had to carry twenty heavy loads of STUFF to my car up and down three flights of stairs. I also had to carry numerous amounts of trash to the dumpsters on the opposite end of the building. Took me three hours to load up and be on my way.

...On the brightside the weather was beautiful and the trip back home was smooth. My first day back all my friends were delighted to see me and hang out with me. I went to Jolten Joes with Kelsea to see Leah, and she gave us our drinks for free. We then went to walmart, and then got our swimsuits on to meet Ashley for a tubing trip down the river. I got a nice shoulder tan.
Then I took a walk with my mom, shooting pictures. (I was a bit rusty!) And then played night tennis with Leah. Lastly, there was a cruising hour with Haley. We got nasty ice cream and talked about this years hook-ups and what not.


It was a lovely day. Mother's day was not so smooth, since me and my mom got into a big fight. Appprently, after my first day here, I am not doing enought around the house. And telling her how I feel isn't allowed unless I sugar coat it. And if I can't do that I should ask 'my father' if there is room for me at his place to stay. Well, I took out the trash and unloaded the dishwaser today, so maybe I can earn my keep? I'm still furious at her, but I'll keep it to myself unless I want to sugar coat it. Bleh.

Anyway, now that the excitement of me being back home has wore off, I wonder what to do with my time? To go from 40 hours a week working and full time school to NOTHING I feel like a complete bum. A workaholic has to work to feel useful! I'm already getting those judgmental glares from my mother that I am too lazy for my own worth.

Ah well, anyway. Lets see what I can come up with....


Personal Note:

I have good feelings towards an older ginger kid here. Not sure what that was suppose to mean, but I hope he has good feelings about me. We chatted a little last night, and I'm not sure but I hope I'll get to hang with him before I leave for Wyoming! Ah, the adventures of summer have begun...

Finished

I cannot pretend I felt any regret

Because each broken heart will eventually mend

As the blood runs red

Down needle and thread

Someday-

You will

be loved.

As my first year in college comes to a close I've concluded that my experience was exactly how I thought it was going to be: not what I expected.

It wasn't all partying as much as it was staying up all night on random adventures. I made a lot of friends, even if if three fourths of them were over the age of 25 and didn't go to college. And changed without really changing.

From listening to to other people talk about college, I've learned that everyone has a different view depending on what kind of person they are. Some people say that their freshmen was the best year of college, and others say it was the absolute worst.

I'm not sure what mine is yet, obviously. It's the best and the worst so far. Today I took my botany final... crossing my fingers that I pass that class. Tomorrow Earth Science. Then it's smooth sailing.

Kind of.

Personal Note:

Mac found a house for use to live in! I can't wait! Some guy I use to work with is trying to get me to go on 'dates' with him despite my best efforts to be just friends. I think I'll break it to him hard because obviously being nice about just makes you tease. Whatever.

Last night at Pizza Hut was yesterday. Elisha and Andrew closed with me. It was the last day for all three of us. It was a slow nice, so I got to leave early. Nice time.

Went on a nice coffee date with Erin today. Last one for the school year :'(

We also went on a lovely walk. I took a few pictures:

That's my friend, looking out through the tires we found

A collect of old lawn mowers down some alley

I took my love down to violet hill...

Someone's backyard.

Yeah.

I was creepin.

Summer Entry

Don't second guess your feeling you were right from the start

And I notice she's your lover but she's nowhere near your heart

This city is for strangers like the sky is for the stars

But I think it's very dangerous if we do not take what's ours.

It's been raining all day.

I felt cursed because I had to walk through it all today for classes, but in reality I'm so excited that IT'S NOT SNOWING.

Each year I look forward to summer for so many reasons. In fact, most years I make a list. Usually my summer expectations fall short, but last summer was the absolute best summer I've ever had. I made tons of new friends, did a lot of unexpected things, tried new events, and even recorded most of it in a small journal.

Here is an entry from Wednesday June 30th 2010:

Camp-Out at cambridge lake - Kelsea tells me not to drink.

Troy is with someone else!

Pass out in a car while everyone else dances

Meet Kansas girls and McConville girls

Kelsea tells me to drive her and Nichole behind Jasmine's boyfriend's truck.

Road is so dusty I can't see anything, meanwhile Kelsea gets sick and scream at me aoub the window being down and the oil light coming on. I'm angry.

Get to the boyfriend's house to pass out... Kelsea throws up.

Absolutly no water in the house, not even coming out the facet. Kelsea is furious with sticky mouth.

Go home promptly the next morning to work.

Ok so that one sounds like it was awful, but in reality was pretty fun and we had some great memories from that night. By drawing at outline at the larger details I can remember the smaller ones. I think that journaling the summer was a great idea. I'm hooked at reading my entries now. Little events I already forgot, just now remembering.

It's something I'll have to do again this year. Espeically since I'm hoping it's gonna be better than last year.

But it'll be hard to beat.

Personal Note:

The end of the semester is going by so rapidly fast I cannot keep up! So many large tests and exams to prepare for! I'm already having stressful dreams about school. (Last night I dreamed I failed a P.E class this semester because I didn't know I was enrolled and never made it to any of the classes. I woke up and for a full minuet thought it was real. Scary! I don't want to fail a class!

Fuck it all

He never saw it coming at all

He never ever saw it coming at all

It's alright it's alright it's alright it's alright it's alright it's alright.

No one's got it all.

I wish there was someone here who gave a fuck.

All I do is listen. Listen listen listen. And what's so wrong with that? We do a lot of learning by listening. I listen to my friends babble about petty problems for the sake of complaining. Because they feel like we give a fuck. I listen to my co-workers bitch and moan about petty problems such as closing the store or being tired of working. Because they feel like we give a fuck.

I know better then that. No one gives a fuck.

On the inside, when someone asks you 'how are you' they really don't give a damn if your doing okay or not. Because really, they are too worried about themselves and their own problems to give two hoots about yours. And I don't blame them. Why should I ask someone to worry about me when they have their own life to attend?

Maybe it's because for once in my life I want someone to listen to me. To ME.

That may sound selfish but I've honestly been skipped and avoided for too long. In conversation I know people want to be listened to. So I ask them not only how their day is going, but why is it going that way? If they are feeling particularliy upset I don't just say "I'm sorry." ...because that's the biggest bullshit lie of a line if I've ever heard one. I don't just say "I know." because I don't. And I don't bring up a story from my own life to compare to theirs, (if I had a nickel for every time that happened to me...)

No, I listen. I ponder. I offer advice if asked. I serve empathy, not pity, when needed. And then, when the converstation is over, I bring up my own day. And it's blown off their shoulders like salt. Why? Because I don't talk if no one wants to listen. Because I know when people don't give a fuck. And no one here does. Why waste my time?

I just wish someone here did. I wish I had a relationship with someone who geniuenly cared how I felt when no one is looking. If only...

Personal note: Because no one gives a fuck, I rely on myself to vent to:

Worst night at work ever. Exceptional amount of late night diners... greedy and starving. Our manger was doing inventory and acted like it was the end of the world. She was too busy to answer phones or help with pay-outs. I had to handle tables, phones, and carryout payments all at once. A customer got angry with me when I couldnt't deliver his drink fast enough. A table of snooty old people wanted CREAM or half and half for their coffee. We just had powered packets and they sighted with extreem let down saying 'I GUESS we can make this work somehow." While I worked my ass off serving these people, shutting down salad bar, and taking commands from a very 'exhausted' andrew, not one of them bothered to tip. It wasn't the money I was so mad about. I just wanted to scream, "What?! What the hell did I do wrong?!" Because it fucking hurts when people do that to you. Especially at closing.

Now, Im use to not being tipped. But tonight was particulary awful because I 'freaked out' -as my manager put it. My face got red and they left me alone. I cried in the bathroom. I threw shit around.. broke a plate, and at one point in time ran out side and screamed behind my car. Pretty embaressing shit.

I made a fool out of myself. I tried to laugh it off towards the end of work but it was too late. They were scared of me. And I was scared of myself. So much fucking anger. And no one to care. They let me leave early... which never happens. I'm still upset about it. Look at me. Blogging about it at midnight. I'm a wreak.

And no one gives a fuck.

Phone Calls

This is the moment, that you know-

That you told her that you loved her,

but you don't.

You touch her skin, and then you think-

That she is beautiful,

but she don't mean a thing to me.

Last night by brother called me. We talked over an hour at least. It was Friday night, so he was slightly intoxicated, drinking with his friend Mike. I pretended I was at a party as well, simply because I didn't want him to worry. If I had told him I was sitting in my dorm by myself he would be concerned I didn't have friends or something. Which, I guess, is kind of true.

We talked about life, as always. How we were doing. You know, the regular things that you ask just to get a feel of one another's emotional state. He asked about my boyfriend, and threatened to come beat up anyone who tried to hurt me. He couldn't stress enough about being there to take care of any guy that treats me badly. I think this helps him feel like a real older brother, not just some guy I'm somehow related to.

And then the subject of dad got brought up. The one thing we can relate to each other with. Brother told me about his childhood, his feeling towards both his parents, and how me and my sisters were dad's wake up call. We were his second chance to do right, and not make the same mistakes he did with him. He cried over the phone. I've never seen/heard him do that.

By the end of the conversation he talked about how I need to call him at least once every week. Both him and my dad. "Just think about it, dude." he said to me. "It would make him so happy to hear from you every week. So happy. If you had children that moved out wouldn't you want to hear from them once a week?"

And I answered exactly what was on my mind: "If I had children that moved out I would call them MYSELF at least once a week. Not the other way around."

My father isn't a perfect person. But, although he has hurt me and my brother through many years, we both know he loves us. "I'll do it if you do it." brother told me. "I swear on my life that I'll call him every week if you do. We'll check up on one another."

And although the whole time I was thinking, "Yeah right, no way am I taking time out of my busy life to call dad once a week. He doesn't call me." ....My brother had a point. It would make him happy to hear from me. Estatic, probably. And if you could do something to make your dad happy, wouldn't you want to do it?

I don't know.

I think I might.

Personal Note:

Went to rapid yesterday on a 'dress for success' project strive dealie-o with Danny. It was pretty fun but exhausting because I only got two hours of sleep the night before. Olive Garden, and shopping. It was nice. Bought some new studs for my lip and I can't wait to wear them. I have to find a place with pliers to get the first one off. Then I went to the college play 'What it means to be Earnest' ...which was pretty good. Work today... maybe I'll find the courage to ask the most perfect guy in the world to hang out afterwards.

Then again, probably not.

Spring Crush

Shining like a work of art

Hanging on a wall of stars

Are you what I think you are?

I really truly wish I had more time.

It's April and May will be here any minute. Which means that my first year of college with shortly be over and I will be moving to Wyoming. Which means I will moving away from Chadron for the summer, and away from one person I feel absolutely long to be with.

He's the kindest good looking guy I've ever met who also has the most wonderful personality and humor. I don't think he is looking for anything serious. 99 percent sure he's not into dating. But when he's high or drunk he likes my ass. And only mine.

Does that mean he likes me or does that mean he's simply lonely? Am I the same way?

All I know ist that when I'm around him I just want him to notice me and notice me only. All I know is that I want him. And just him.

All I know is time keeps passing and nothing keeps happening.

A sign that we can't be together? Or that I'm missing my shot?

I don't want to make the first move. But even more than that, I don't want to miss my chance- if I have one.

I have to ask him. Somehow. Someway. Just to know.

Just to know.

Personal Note:

Foam party coming up. Maybe it'll be fun? Mac quit facebook so that she could live in 'real life' for a while. I miss her virtual self. I want to send her message about my new crush and ask for advice because texting sucks. Oh what a strange life we live now-a-days.

800 dollar refund check! Oh, what to spend it on? Because saving means I'll spend it on next year's college books and that's no fun! California? Like hell if I go by myself. Something...

Begining

And it starts, sometime around midnight

At least, thats when you lose yourself

for a minuet or two.

I often ask myself:

When does life finally begin?

Besides the many babysitting jobs I've taken up since I was ten, I started working since I was 14. My first job was a basket worker at the public pool, which was miserable. Then I moved onwards to more babysitting and taking up a job at a local grocery store for the next three and a half years, along with working at a retirement home serving the rich and snotty elderly folks who couldn't be more sad and angry in the last day of their lives.

After moving and leaving those jobs I began college in hopes that now, finally, my life would somehow magically start. But all the money I had saved dissappeared in seconds. I started working at Pizza Hut, and took up a second job at Walmart. I lost all the friends I had made a school.

As I said before, I quit Walmart. I do not regret quitting in the least bit. I'm never going back to that place. But the hut gave me just as many hours to make up for the ones I had lost at my second job. Which means my life is all about working.

My mother keeps photo albums of every track meet my sisters' participate in. They have been winning medals, trophies, awards, reconition, news paper articals, radio shout outs, and one was even on the cover of the Omaha World Herald. I have yet to even leave a scrap of a mark on the world. When is it my turn?

And just thinking about it now I realize that I am going to be working until I die. There is no getting past that. I will literally be doing job after job after job until I pass away. Life has already started. And this is it:

I come home six days out of seven to a lonely room with two lonely beds because not even my roommate finds me worth a visit. I force myself to brush my teeth and take a shower because I'm losing faith in the reasons behind them. What's the use of trying? I go to classes where no pays attention to each other. Then lunch with friends who have all already found their significant other and could care less how I look. Then I go to more classes. Then I got to work, where I end up smelling like grease anyway.

I just want to do something other than work. Please god, let there be more to life than this.

Personal Note:

Still having seriously angry dreams. 90 percent of them at my mother for treating me unfairly. It's gotten so bad now that I had to google it, and found that I might have suppressed anger I am not allowing myself to feel conciuosly. I can see that being pretty true about now. I am thinking about making a spontanious roadtrip to see my brother in California. I don't see it working out. Oh well. That's my life I guess.

College hasn't changed Me

I never really gave up on... getting out of two star town.

I got the green light. I got a little fight.

I'm gonna turn this thing around.

Can you read my mind?

So here's what I recently realized: After countless hours of homework and jobs, movies, walks, sports, and of course, the socialization; college hasn't changed me.

A friend of mine recently did that '30 day challenge' on facebook and one of the 'days' was suppose to be a picture of something that really made a huge impact on their life. She said that our college changed her life. Another girl I work with here said the same. And these girls weren't the first.

Now, maybe it's just me and maybe it's not, but college has certainly not done anything close to huge for me. In fact, from all the working I've been doing to afford it, I feel like I've regressed.

A few of my friends absolutely love college, saying it's better than anything they've ever experienced. But these are also girls who always had a ten-o-clock bed time and never got to stay out late on weekends. These girls also find themselves way over their heads in college and in fact, don't know how to handle themselves sometimes. I never had a curfew. My parents were pretty much okay with me drinking as long as I didn't do it around them and never broug

ht drunks or alcohol home. And if I wanted to pierce my belly button, dye my hair, have sex, smoke, or leave town for five days straight, they could care less. Except....

...there was a catch.

I had to stay out of trouble. This means no drunk driving or being around parties I know will get busted. No hospital trips, no tickets from the police. No getting pregnant. No failing classes, no skipping classes and getting caught. No running into the law or getting sued by another parent. And absolutely no asking for money to support any of it. If I wanted to smoke, I had to use my own earned money. If I wanted to go out of town, it was my pocket I would be digging into. And if I did get a ticket... well, you know it was me who would have to deal with it.

I think that by allowing me my freedom in high school, I had eyes that allowed me to perfectly ready for college in every means possible. I knew when my body needed sleep and when I could allow myself a night out. I knew how to turn down the offer to do pot without upsetting my friends. I knew how to have sex and not let it take over my life. And I knew at what cost everything came.

That being said, even if college was nothing new to me, I don't regret my freedom at a young age. I feel like the pace I set for myself was perfectly perfect. I am a hard worker, and I've had more enough people tell me that sincerely to let me know. I feel like I am a decent person who isn't out for myself in this world, and that is saying a lot in todays society.

Because college, while not making a huge impact on my life, has taught me one thing. And it's that people are selfish. They are mean, and ugly, and brutally clear on this matter the older they get. I was almost shocked by the amount of people I've met who are only in this world for themselves, and are proud to admit that that. It almost disgusts me to think about all the times I see it on a day to day basis. And I don't want to make myself seem perfect, because I can be a little selfish time to time too, but I think that every human being deserves a chance at decency. And the idea to be mean to someone just for the sake of being mean still baffles me.

(A co-worker told me today that she flat out hated me when I started working at pizza hut. I asked her why and she shrugged and said she just didn't like me. "I like you now. A lot. You earned my respect" she told me.) This is the reason why I'm upset. Because hate and respect are completely different things. I understand that respect has to be earned. But hating someone has to have a reason behind it. And treating someone with decency shouldn't have to be earned by the other person.

Anyway, people of my age bother me a lot when it comes to this sort of thing. People of my age in this college especially. Every human being deserves decency. And every human should not be out for themselves. How is this world suppose to function otherwise?

Personal Note:

Midterm break was perfectly awesome! I traveled over 1176 miles; when to Rapid City to see 3OH!3 and Nelly concert; Cheyenne to get my lip pierced and dyed my hair (FINALLY GOT A HAIRCUT!); attended a bonfire with new friends; Road tripped with my old best friend and her new best friend; went back to my home town and met up with all my old friends; cosmic bowled; snuck into a haunted house; watched FLB and was asked to attended the after bar party; had many sleepovers; made jello shots and soaked gummy bears in vodka. Oh, and I also took out dozens of birds by my car.

My family is a wreak. My sisters are fine but my parents are losing it. The divorce or separation or whatever the hell they prefer to call it, is making them both very angry, very bitter people. Especially my mom. I'm pretty worried for her. She's deeply involved with herself, and she is so angry at the world that I don't know how to deal with it. The entire family tip-toes on eggshells around her at all times so she won't explode. Plus she works odd jobs and has strange habits. Meanwhile my dad is dating someone new and has more than enough loud frantic fights about money problems with my mom. It's all out of hand and I'm really glad I don't live there anymore.

Mainly worried about passing botany and how pizza hut is going to react to my lip ring. I hope I get to keep it!

(Enjoying my freedom from walmart GREATLY!)

Predictions

From where I'm standing, I think I caught your eye

Are you looking at me? 'Cuz I swear I saw you smile.

And I'm coming over, gonna take things off you mind.

And I bet you'll be fine.

It's strange, to think about the future. I just read an article in TIME magazine about the singularity movement and the 'year man becomes immortal'. I like to believe that fantasy because it excites me to know our world is headed in bigger directions then ever before, but another part of me knows truth is always stranger then fiction. It was predicted twenty years ago that in the 2000s we would be living on other planets or have homes in outer space. It was predicted that we would have robot friends who could think and have feelings. It was predicted that we would all drive flying vehicles to work and be eating only pills for meals.

By 2000 the world was suppose to end.

Now, the world will end in 2012.

Life is never predicable.

Okay, so it's no real news that the human race has gotten predictions wrong for years. But you have to admit, the technology age is a huge deal that is changing our world. I watched a preview for the "Social Network" back in August and cried because this truly is my generation of people causing the next big revolution. Myspace and Facebook will be printed in textbooks for my children's children to read. Three years from now my cell phone will be mocked for it's primitive nature. People will no longer look for news, the news will find them via phone and internet.

I was buying coffee from the mall last year and noticed that under it's sign a large Facebook box was printed saying 'Find us on Facebook!' ...A coffee shop! Something simple and homey now has everything to do with internet. And if you keep your eyes open, all you favorite shops are this way. Even my locally owned grocery store jumped on the bandwagon.

Who knows where all this social networking and media will bring us, even one year from today. Human mortality? I'm not sure yet. Predictions have been wrong, but it's exciting to think about it all the same.

What's even more exciting about this revolution?

I'm part of it.

Personal Note:

I've ruined it.

There is this sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach that I absolutely can't stand. Somehow, I manage to be an asshole to the nice guys. The ones who are strange and shunned from society but the better part of you knows they are decent and deserve a chance. Or maybe I'm just terrified because I work with him and have to face everyone tomorrow for hours.

Let me remind myself: I went on a date with a guy who has been asking me more months. I've told him I've been busy, but half of me wished he thought I was making excuses so he'd leave me alone. Then I felt like I led him on so I gave him a shot against my better judgment. Now I have to tell him I don't like him. Its going to be awful.

But, like all good things end; all bad things fade. I'll eventually get this sick feeling out of chest, and move on. ..And he'll eventually find a nicer girl than me to make him feel happy. I know this for a fact. However, knowing this is about as reassuring as knowing you'll eventually feel better from stomach flu. "Yes, I'll get better but It'd be nice if I wasn't sick in the first place."

As I tell myself at work many, many times. Grin and bear it.

Prime of Your Life

And somewhere maybe someday,

Maybe somewhere far away,

I'll find a second little person

who will look at me and say:

"I know you"

I want to do something big.

No really.

I've watched thousands of you-tube videos where the famous person in them was once an ordinary college student like me. Now they make appearances on TV. Or Fred, for example, was also from Nebraska and now he has his own MOVIE.

I've just read the book "Waiter Rant" about a average joe working as a waiter writing down all his waiting experiences and produced a successful blog and book series.

And I've watched, through facebook updates, a girl I graduated high school with begin and now successfully own a senior-photo taken business. (She also is now hired doing side jobs, taking pictures at events for Usher and Black Eyed Peas)

I know I'm in the prime of my life right now, and if I keep putting up with crap from walmart I'm going to piss my life away hoping that the magical day when I finally make enough money will come and I'll finally be able to pursue other things.

Well I need to face the music and understand that there is never going to be enough money. It doesn't matter if I pick up, god forbid, a THIRD job and blame bad card life chose to throw at me. I finally got the balls to quit walmart and next Friday will be my last day. (I AM SO EXCITED!)

This calls for a celebration. Not only because I am gaining a part of my life back, but because I have never intentionally quit/got fired from a job before. My last jobs I had to leave because I was moving.

Anyway, back to do something BIG. Maybe right a book, or start a business managing something cool and original. Because really, if the Fred from youtube can do it, anyone who really wants to can. That's just the thing. They have to really want to.

That't the tricky part for me as well. You see, I think too much. That's what I've pinned it down to. I don't like to take risks because I've seen failure. I'm terrified of it. I think too much about everything and then I miss out on everything. Starting something big means diving head first into my greatest fear: failure. And if I don't stop trying to be wise and taking advice, I'll miss out on life completely!

That's why I hate the idea of advice. If you don't so something yourself you'll miss out on many opportunities. I don't think anyone ever truly takes advice. The human soul sometimes just has to know. When you mom tells you not to date that boy and you don't (you'll always wonder). And if a wise quote tells advices you, "Look before you leap" you'll never hit the perfect time to tell a funny joke because you'll be too busy wondering 'will I offend someone, or maybe this might be out of line, or what if no one finds this funny." Pretty soon you're the the queer with his mouth open thinking he had something to say but missed his chance.

Well, this blog is sufficiently long and scattered and pointless enough to come to an end. To wrap everything up, I want to do something big and somewhat noticeable, and I don't think advice is worth but perhaps something to consider. Wish me luck.

Personal Note:

Like I said, I quit walmart. That's the biggest news.

I experienced my first one-night stand after finishing an entire bottle of malibu passion fruit by myself in under an hour. Woke up in a very hot guy's arms heartbroken that I let myself become such a whore. We work together. Needless to say, it's the hottest piece of gossip for the week at pizza hut. I try to avoid him at all costs. Avoidance is key, and cracking a joke if I have to.

My walmart csm stalker keeps asking me on date after date after date since I keep turning him down. I guess I'll give him a shot if he's really that into me. Kinda freaks me out though.

Erin is my new best work friend. She's everything I hoped a person could be. Weird, but smart. Odd, but interesting. She smokes a lot of pot but that doesn't bother me at all. (Secretly, I really want to try some. I just think it would be an expensive habit.) Anyway, I hope to keep the friendship fire aflame.

Ego Boast

You keep shining on, shining on

But you'll never know where your place will be-

And I guess it's true that you're not me.

It's valentine's day and it hasn't been bad at all. There are days where I feel extremely unloved and unnoticed, like I don't matter to anyone at all. Other days I feel like my life is right on track, that my friends might actually like me and that I am loved. It really just depends on the level of stress I am feeling that day.

Anyway, this boy texted me today. Me and him have been friends since my sophomore year (so that makes it, uh, three years now?) For two years we had an on and off 'thing', and the third year we both had a cool-off period. Also, during that past year, he dated and fell in love with his current girlfriend. He moved, I moved. Both on to other people and to other cities.

Anyway, he texted me. And has been texting me at random moments all this year. He's recently told me that he sometimes goes through moods where he really misses me. Really misses me. And wants to see if I ever miss or think about him. I find this to be CRAZY because in all honesty, I don't miss him. I really don't think about him at all. And I feel bad, so I lie and tell him that I still sometimes think about him too. At least this new greatly increases my ego today. Along with the date requests from my wal-mart supervisor.

So valentines day has not been horrible at all.

Nevertheless, I still work way too much and I am so happy to make the decision to quit a job. (Walmart) Now if only I could find the balls to go through with it....

Personal Note:

I worked fifteen hours straight on Saturday. I went home, showered, passed out cold. Woke up early to my alarm to go back to work for another nine hours. Got off at five, did homework until one in the morning when my eyes stopped working. I woke up early to finish homework that was due that day. Yep. That is how my weekend went.

"Study night" night tonight in Cynthia's room. It's pretty fun! Oh, and my roommate definitely hated me- I've heard stories of her talking shit about me all around at work. Bitch. But neither of us ever said anything to each other. I sleep in my own bed now and she hasn't said anything since. I'm hoping it'll just fade away.

Mysterious Illness

Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?

-Stop this pain tonight-

Sorry I haven't been keeping up with this blog. This semester is moving faster than anyone would of expected. I just have so much to do and so little time to get everything done. Even if I were an overaciever (yeah I can't spell, get over it) I don't think I would have free time left. Online homework is killing me.

But what's killing me worse is this strange sudden illness that has suddenly taken over my life. Friday morning I woke up early to do Botany homework, and received strange cramps and aches in my stomach. I slept till three p.m., woke up feeling okay and went to work. At work the cramps returned for a short while, and went away.

I decided to go to bed early that night, (9:30!) only to be stuck with the worst upper stomach pains ever. I rolled around in a ball for hours with the pain. I went into the bathroom and forced myself to throw up to try to stop the pain with no success. I slept in the red room downstairs like a drunk hobo hoping a change of scenery might change my condition. Still nothing. I drove to the ER, walked in, asked about the cost and decided to wait until morning to do anything about it. (Mind you I was schedualed to work nine hours the next day at walmart) So I called in sick to walmart, crawled around the hallway until a friend found me and told me to rest in her bed until the clinic opened at nine.

The clinic did nothing but nod, and give me presciption medicine. Saying it should go away in a few days.

I woke up later saturday evening with HUGE red and white hives covering all of my legs. Saturday-Sunday was a blur. Monday I realized I missed accounting deadlines, had a huge Botany Exam to take, and classes to go to. I was covered in hives again, but they slowly dissappeared as I woke up. I drove to the clinic, where a different doctor nodded and gave me another perscription. I said, screw it. I took and failed a botany exam, an accoutning quiz and exam, and failed that week's homework assignment.

This morning the hives were all over my arms and legs. I have no stregnth in my arms, and it hurts to move my neck. But the stomach pains are gone! So I am trying to be as productive as possible while I can.

Wow, what a boring blog to read.

Oh well.

PERSONAL NOTE:

I fear my roommate hates me. I sleep in her bed more than mine because mine is such a mess and her's is so much more comfortable. Plus, since my sickness the room is a disaster. She snuck in last night to take the last of her stuff and I don't think she plans to come back. I feel incredibly lonely and wish more than anything to drive home and sleep on the old brown couch where my mom can force me to take vitamon C tablets.

I'm also petrified that if I don't get better soon I will flunk out of college.

Dear God, please help me.

A Little Lonely

Drink up, baby. Look at the stars.

I'll kiss you again, between the bars.

Separate from the rest, but I like you best

and keep the things you forgot.

~"I like your hair.... I like your earrings...."

So, before I start my first accounting exam I would really like to write a bit.

I feel very left out.

With both my dorm friends and work friends.

My dorm friends can suck it. I don't care if they are re-forming and choosing favorites. Honestly, they mean very little to me.

But my work friends are cool. They are people I look up to. But they are slightly older then I am. Slightly more legal to drink and attend bars. I am invited to some parties, but I think they feel uncomfortable inviting me since I am so young.

I want so very much to be older and with them. I wish I was able to walk into a bar and order a drink without being terrified of getting caught. I wish I had friends like I had at home who would always invite me to parties. I wish I had someone to connect with.

I wish so many things.

I spend a lot of time alone in my room doing homework. Hours wasted on assignment after assignment. Even now, I should be doing my accounting exam. Or health quiz.

I have lots of 'friends' but no one I feel very close to. No one who really understands me, my humor, or my beliefes. Nor do I feel I've met anyone who would care to find out. Sad day.

So many friends now and none of them mine...

forgotten as soon as we meet.

-the bravery

Personal Stuff:

My hours have started increasing again. I'm just starting to get the hang of classes. Allyson and I made a trip to Rapid City on Friday, and I must add that my first trip to South Dakota was a success! My arms are sore today because of what happened saturday morning. Lets just say I'm not proud of myself. Lastly, I still really REALLY want a haircut. But when? How?

Pretty Doesn't Make It Easier

If this is it -When all we have and ever will
If this is it -Time is running out and standing still.
I'll leave today -Cause there's nothing left to keep me here.
I'll fade away -I'll turn my back and disappear.

I'm in an interesting mood.

I should get shit for school done but I'm in no mood to do more work then I have to at one time. (.....I should start sleeping in my own bed. But for some reason, no matter where I am, I can't stand my own stuff!)

Here's a confession: I'm only writing this blog tonight because I'm avoiding homework and I really, REALLY wanted to post some good song lyrics. Heh.

I've recently been obsessed with looking at all the beautiful people on facebook. Mainly the beautiful girls on facebook. Sometimes I study their faces and wonder what makes them so much prettier from you or me. Their noses? Their tan? Their make-up?

Because truth is, I'm really not pretty. I'm really not. It's not like I'm depressed about it or obsessed or anything. I just feel cheated. However, I read on postseceret.com that 'prettier doesn't make it easier' and that felt really really comforting to me. Because, if you really think about it, its so true! I mean, I'm not ugly by all means, so I'm actually fairly well off next to a poor deformed or scared girl. And seriously, looking at those pretty girls... I know most of them are far more fucked up then I am.

I also think because I'm not pretty I am exceptionally socially awkward. Pretty people don't have to be funny or well spoken. They can be as weird as they want and people still love them! But average people like me need some sort of spark to be liked! We need jokes to make people laugh. We need to know what to say and when to say it. Otherwise, we are just another person! This too, makes me feel cheated. I have not yet mastered joke making as I have a very VERY dry humor that most people don't get. I feel very much unaccepted. Maybe I'm just being sensitive. Boo.

Anyway, that's my take on pretty girls. I would be lieing if I said I wouldn't kill to be pretty. But to be perfectly honest, I don't care enough to stress about it. I can't change a thing, and I can accept that. Which in some cases, makes me far more ahead then some of those 'pretty girls'. Ah, well.

Personal Notes:

I'm on season 3 of skins. The ending of episode 6 made me seriously cry. I've never cried over a tv show before but classical music very much a large weakness of mine.

My hours have been seriously cut at both jobs. I should be thankful but with this semester's bill due soon, I can't help but be worried. Everything I've save is gone! GONE! Ugh. Dorm friends are in a feud and splitting apart one by one. I knew this would happen. Had a fun party last night with good friend Nichole! She invited me over for laundry and before I knew it was playing spoons and getting drunk with joe, kyle, donnie, tory, and even julie. allyson showed up to give me a ride. my leg got bit twice! Good times!

Update: a bunch of randomness

I carry your image always in my head-

Folded and yellowed and torn at the edge.

And I've looked upon it for so many years

Slowly I'm losing your face.

My friends forgot me for dinner! :(

Ah, well. I don't have a phone and it's for the best. I have to work soon anyway, and I would never have enough time to eat. Class's are kickin' off and I'm already behind. Damn that procrastination of mine.

I am obsessed with smelling good. (Apparently this is a common obsession?)

My best friend is obsessed with gangsters... but I'm obsessed with skaters. You know, the retro wearing, skinny framed, emo-shoed kind of guys? They make my heart melt. However, my ex-boyfriend was the ideal looking one that made me go further into my belief that I should never trust men. There is a cute guy I just met that looks exactly like him! I both attracted and disgusted by him. Oh well.

On a side note, I have wasted over fifteen hours watching the UK version of Skins on you tube. It is simply fantastic. And I have been talking to myself in a british accent ever since. Man, I wish I had a british accent. Cheers! Anyway, the show reminds me of the Canadian 'Degrassi' -except Degrassi is a million and one time STUPIDER. Not to mention fake as fuck.

Ok, so Skins isn't perfectly realistic either, but it is so much more believable. The characters actually act and react like real people, which is extremely refreshing. Not to mention that there are no real 'heart-warming' scenes with cheesy music and all that regularly found in a drama. I haven't yet finished off season two, but I've had work to do.

....Speaking of work... I gotta run!

Personal Note:

Study group tonight with Allyson, Danny, and Abby. I'll probably not get anything done. I'm so tired. The idea of doing anything after work is exhausting. My phone has been lost for the past six days. Something needs to get done around here! I still badly need a hair cut! UGH!

We'll All Be Fine

Take your time. Take a breath.

Disregard the rest.

The falling chains. The falling lies.

Make pretend you're mine.

If everyone knew that they would be fine in the future... then I think no one would have a reason to regret something.

Think about it. If you could go back in time, back to jr-high and re-live it, wouldn't you do it in a heart beat? I mean, sure, you're probably one of those people who are all like 'I live with no regrets. I would never change a thing about my life' ...yeah whatever dude. But seriously, if you were put back into your jr high life and were given a second chance to re-live everything all over again, wouldn't you be so much more calmer and 'cooler'?

Maybe this is because you see yourself more responsible or smarter. But I think the biggest reason why you would be able to get through it all easier is because you know that you're going to turn out fine in the future. You'll be okay. You won't be any less of yourself because someone didn't like you, or your best friend stole your boyfriend, or you wore the same shirt as polly-picks-her-nose smith.

Because really, everyone is paranoid about being fine. They don't know if they're life will be ruined because they didn't make enough friends, or money, or right decisions. They don't know where there life will head because of something they say or do. If we knew for sure that six weeks, five years, or decades later we would be just fine, would we make the same choices we do now? Or would we relax and do something for ourselves?

Just a thought for tonight.

Personal Stuff:

My favorite friend Mackenzie is heading down here to good old Chadron tomorrow and I hope we have a blasty blast -even if I work 2-11 pm, 10-7 pm, and 10-6 pm while she here. Also, I had fun closing Pizza Hut with elisha tonight! she is the bomb.com! :)

REMEMBER TITLE, 'KTHANKS!

Keeping Myself Motivated...

I found blood and I saw stars

All in the back seat of you car

And I told you it was love...

But you won't know the truth

I have recently been working on a new story called "The Barn". It's basically about a guy who is slowly figuring out that life is more then just drinking and smoking weed. Mean while his alcoholic girl friend and college buddies start to irritate him to the point of frustration, leaving him no good place to turn to to start over.

It starts off really good but now I've gotten a little tired of it. I know how I want it to end, but my plot is getting flat on me, like it tends to do for almost every story I have ever written. I'm trying my best to stick this one out though. If only I can thin

k of a way to push my character over the edge....

Here are some photos I stole off facebook and edited them as potential 'book covers'.

I feel like a total creep stealing them without asking... but oh well. No one reads this blog anyway. And it's not like anyone is going to see the 'book cover'... since the story won't even get finished.

... I think I like the first one the most, since I've always been a 'clean picture' person. (It's of the main character, Max) But the second one shows my idea of an actual barn party, (it's of drunk people partying.. in a barn!) and it's dark and eerie, like the silent theme of my story. Oh well, like it matters!

An Inspiration to my Inspiration

I'll run away with you

We can build a goldmine.

We'll cross the sierra child,

I'll be the truth for you

So maybe my hard work doesn't go unnoticed after all.

I was told by my work hero today that I am an inspiration to her.

My work hero was the girl who trained me at pizza hut several months ago. She doesn't take crap from anyone. She is a very strong person, cares about both the company and the customer, and believes in doing things right; not cutting corners.

She told me today that she truly admires me and my work ethics. I have good morels, she says. And she has told all her friends about me. 'My mother knows your name, I talk about you so much.' she says.

My other manger, standing behind me completely agreed. 'You inspire me too' she said without question.

I was so flattered I really had no idea what to say. In fact, I just felt my face get hot. I wondered if I should I crack a joke? Laugh it off? I thanked them and told them I'm not inspiring, I'm just crazy. They told me they would of exploded by now if they were me.

I told the truth and told them I had angry dreams.

Let me tell you -it was the funniest thing they had ever heard. We laughed and laughed.

But in all honesty, I do. I have very angry dreams. I dreamed I got so angry at my mom I started choking her. Just wrapped hands around her heck and shook her back and forth. I will get in arguments with my sisters in my dreams and be so furiously angry I will cry with rage. I break things in my dream. I slap/hit/punch/claw family members, and hurt myself too. And it's becoming a pretty common dream as well.

My reasoning for all this? Back when I worked a lot of hours at home I took a lot of my anger out on my family. I picked fights. I took offence to everything. I would smart-mouth or yell at my parents. And now that they are 500 miles away, I have no one to take my anger out on. So I resort to a non-exhistant family in my head.

I am truly messed up. Haha.

Hours this week: 33-walmart 22-pizza hut

School starts next week! Yikes!

It's 2011 ....I Smell Mold.

Hello darkness my old friend.

I've come to talk to you again.

I am not.at.all excited about everyone coming back to the dorms this upcoming weekend. Really. I'm not. Sure, I have nine or ten friends who live in the dorms and left me all break, but it would be a lie to say I've missed them.

Let's be honest. They have no reason to like me. Or hate me. I'm just never around. I've missed all the breakfasts, lunches, and dinner dates. I've missed movies, dances, and parties. I've missed all the drama, all the inside jokes, and all the other reasons how friends become actual... friends.

So they have no reason to miss me either. I'm just someone they can wave at and say, 'hey naomi!', even though recently, before they left, they haven't even been doing that.

My dorm friends are a group I don't even like to hang around any more. When two or more of them are together, it's just a big inside joke session that I don't feel a part of. When it's just me and one dorm friend, its just one big session of them complaining about a fight with another dorm friend, or some other family drama I could care LESS about. None of them are interested in me and my problems. I'm tired of being a therapist.

So, along with the fact that the bathrooms will be crowded again, and I will have to worry about who will be walking down the hall the same time as me in just my towel, my dorm friends I also have to worry about now that second semester is starting.

They are like a delicious sandwich rotting away. At first it was wonderful, and looked wonderful. It was important to me. But then it just sat there and rotted. It continues to rot. And it's starting to smell bad. When do I throw it away? Or is there something to salvage?

...and now time for work!

hello walmart my old friend.