Pride

Well maybe there's a God above

But all I've ever learned from love

Was how to shoot someone who outdrew you

Maybe it's just me but I tend to treat the hot studly men I am secretly attracted to like shit.

And I treat the unattractive, underage, or creepy guys with unimaginable kindness.

Which is why everyone I am NOT attracted to ends up falling in love with me.

And all the hot/cute/attractive guys steer clear.

Why?

Because the creepers and unattractive are not intimidating to me. I feel like I can relate to them. I don't feel the spark so I can be myself around them. And they fall for me like flies to rotting flesh.

And cute guys are highly intimidating so I panic whenever I'm around them and treat them like total shit. It's the only self defense I know. And my stupid brains thinks: 'You will look witty and attractive if you put them down and drag their self esteem to your level!'

So this one guy, who I have had the biggest crush on since I first laid eyes on him in 8th grade, thinks I'm a joke because I've been putting him down for no reason at all my entire life. I call him arrogant, ignorant, ugly, immature, ect.

Which really sucks because he's actually really funny and cool and interesting. And now we go to the same college together and could totally be friends if I wasn't such a loser.

Ache.

You know who this guy is.

You could change this.

But you won't.

Pride is a horrible, horrible thing.

Self pity is the only thing worse.

Yet I possess so much of both.

And I don't know what to do.

*sigh*

Personal Note:

Ditched work to do laundry at Erin's.

Asked her to live with me.

She's scared. I just want to hug her.