Realization

I'm one big open mess
that everyone can see;
laughter in a moment
despair in another

I try to be unusual
Someone that will blow you mind away
But end up being just like every body else
A wannabe girl
with a sad expression

I'm filled with fear when people notice
and lose control when no one looks my direction
The complete frustration of imitation
and cheap gestures from people who don't care
and the simple fact that I am always feeling sorry for myself

I can never figure anything out
Or know if people buy my pitiful act
or if they get that I'm depressed
or if I am even depressed at all
or maybe just want attention

Nothing seems to make sense
My insides are aching
and my body is restless
I want to be with everyone
I want to be as far away as possible

I want everyone to care
I want no one to notice
I don't want to be sad
I don't want to be happy
because no one will except me ether way

I am just a mess
Scattered on the surface
Of a realization
I can't quite grasp