That you told her that you loved her,
but you don't.
You touch her skin, and then you think-
That she is beautiful,
but she don't mean a thing to me.
Last night by brother called me. We talked over an hour at least. It was Friday night, so he was slightly intoxicated, drinking with his friend Mike. I pretended I was at a party as well, simply because I didn't want him to worry. If I had told him I was sitting in my dorm by myself he would be concerned I didn't have friends or something. Which, I guess, is kind of true.
We talked about life, as always. How we were doing. You know, the regular things that you ask just to get a feel of one another's emotional state. He asked about my boyfriend, and threatened to come beat up anyone who tried to hurt me. He couldn't stress enough about being there to take care of any guy that treats me badly. I think this helps him feel like a real older brother, not just some guy I'm somehow related to.
And then the subject of dad got brought up. The one thing we can relate to each other with. Brother told me about his childhood, his feeling towards both his parents, and how me and my sisters were dad's wake up call. We were his second chance to do right, and not make the same mistakes he did with him. He cried over the phone. I've never seen/heard him do that.
By the end of the conversation he talked about how I need to call him at least once every week. Both him and my dad. "Just think about it, dude." he said to me. "It would make him so happy to hear from you every week. So happy. If you had children that moved out wouldn't you want to hear from them once a week?"
And I answered exactly what was on my mind: "If I had children that moved out I would call them MYSELF at least once a week. Not the other way around."
My father isn't a perfect person. But, although he has hurt me and my brother through many years, we both know he loves us. "I'll do it if you do it." brother told me. "I swear on my life that I'll call him every week if you do. We'll check up on one another."
And although the whole time I was thinking, "Yeah right, no way am I taking time out of my busy life to call dad once a week. He doesn't call me." ....My brother had a point. It would make him happy to hear from me. Estatic, probably. And if you could do something to make your dad happy, wouldn't you want to do it?
I don't know.
I think I might.
Personal Note:
Went to rapid yesterday on a 'dress for success' project strive dealie-o with Danny. It was pretty fun but exhausting because I only got two hours of sleep the night before. Olive Garden, and shopping. It was nice. Bought some new studs for my lip and I can't wait to wear them. I have to find a place with pliers to get the first one off. Then I went to the college play 'What it means to be Earnest' ...which was pretty good. Work today... maybe I'll find the courage to ask the most perfect guy in the world to hang out afterwards.
Then again, probably not.
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